Addicted

I've wanted to break out, I've wanted to be free,

I've wanted to forget you, I've wanted to let you be.

I've wanted to move on, I've wanted to leave this pain behind,

I've wanted to stop dreaming about you, I've wanted you out of my mind.

I've wanted to love someone else, I've wanted to hold someone near,

I've wanted to run to a place , where not being with you is not a fear.

I've wanted to stop writing you love songs, only I read,

I've wanted to block your thoughts and the fantasies they feed.

I've wanted to hate you, I've wanted to separate you from my soul,

I've tried saving my self from drowning in your thoughts

looking for a shoal.

I've wanted so much to be able to ignore you,

I've wanted to stop thinking about the impossibility of our oneness

and stop feeling blue.

I don't know why I do this to my self

or what do I have in this to gain

the truth is, I'm just a romantic fool

who's addicted to pain.

Anatomy of an Infatuation

There are many names given to this phenomenon.

Crush, Attraction, Lust, Puppy Love.

Dictionary describes it as "foolish or all-absorbing passion", we all seem to agree, don't we?

In fact there is so much  written about love and puritan nature of it  through the ages that somewhere the infatuation has been unduly relegated to a more shallow or transient role in the paradigm of amorous relationships. 

Infatuation is a far more exciting state of heart and mind than love. That tinge of insecurity, coupled with humongous amounts of passion. The dream fueled state of what could be. Its engaging, heart breaking, exciting, frustrating and an amalgamation of undefined emotions all at once.

Now, there could be a counter argument to this but there is no denying that infatuation is in fact a stepping stone towards love. But this is popular theory. love compared to infatuation is a more relaxed and measured state of mind. Its comforting and cozy but it also is complacent. And thats my problem with love. 

You could love some one, in fact you love a lot of people. your mother, father, siblings, wife, dog..and not necessarily in that order. But you could not feel the same love for every one. its nature and ways of expressing differ. Now some people would say love is complex. I'd have to say NO.

Love is simple, uncomplicated. Beautiful but not as engaging as an infatuation. the point I'm driving here is that Love and infatuation are two entirely different emotions. For an amorous relationship to work a heady mix of both are required. 

What is a relationship between a woman and a man, if it is not exciting, heartbreaking , elevating, depressing, passionate, unreasonable, dreamy, unreal, comforting yet unpredictable..........and all of it at once. Love can be comforting to a great degree but without the unpredictable and foolish nature of infatuation, it is not complete.

Ask couples who have been together by choice and not by compulsion. What makes them click?

A full 100% of them would say that the sheer excitement of being with each other. now they may not call it being infatuated with each other but it means that same word.

What is disappointing that infatuation is regarded as foolish as it is considered transient. But then all good things are rare. So now I ask you... is it true love or true infatuation? Imagine feeling the butterflies in the stomach, that funny bittersweet feeling when you wake up and see the person sleeping next to you. That feeling of being on the tenterhooks, that feeling of putting your best foot forward. That feeling of seeing or being able to see no wrong in your companion. when even their flaws add to their charm. Can many of us do it for the rest of our lives? No. But the one who can. Ask them what it feels like to be infatuated.

love does not conquer all, but love mixed with infatuation surely does.

Every body says " I love you" , very few people say "I'm infatuated by you". I would rather be infatuated with someone for the rest of my life.

But thats me, As for you....it's  a free  country. Right?

Macabre tale of love

Live's path has been fraught with

macabre tales of love.

I started out on a lovestruck journey, to find

A carcass of wanton dream

rotting in the heart's cove.

I saw the ghosts of deceit

feeding on the souls of the lovers fooled.

leaving a hollow cavity of misery

where the glowing ambers of promises

and the fire of love cooled.

The pus of despair oozed

out of every pore of the rotting flesh

of the false promises made.

The black blood of passion

coagulating on betrayal's blade.

I passed by so many burning pyres

of unrequited dreams .

I saw so many hollow promises

and love struck eyes with dreamy gleams.

I now convulse when I hear those

three words, for they bring a never ending pain.

I almost drown ,when those deceived eyes begin to rain.

The tears are like acid burning into the skin of my soul.

I set on a long arduous journey, but the greatest pitfall

became my goal.

Now as I grope for hope in the darkness

of the empty void that took me in its swallow

Every moment is an eternity as my soul rest on the gallows

I close my eyes for the blade to strike

before I lose my head, before my heart is pierced by the pike.

I look back for an instant that seems like an eternity

I laugh at the brutal irony of it all and In muted agony I groan

as I realise

The carcass of dreams that I saw on the way

was of my own.

Passion Power Play!

I've spent many twilights

I've spent many a dawn

Thinking I am your man

While I've just been a pawn.

For all the games you play

I've been here to stay.

Never considered moving on

I guess I had that masochistic desire

to be a victim of your con.

I like the way you played with me

I love the way you led me on

Only to drop me

The moment I begin to fawn.

You've always held the key

coz You've never cared

I've played the fool

for my heart was bared.

I 've been licking the wounds you've inflicted

I like the taste of my own blood

and as my soul bleeds

and my eyes drowned by the flood

I look at you with love thats everlasting

and it's always gonna stay

and you can go on hurting me

with all the games you play.

My Icarian dream.

Don't mourn my fate

for I knew I had a date, with my destiny.

Don't shed no tear or lament

for I soared high before I fell from the sky.

The fall was hard and the seas were deep

but I kept a promise that I promised to keep.

I tried, I lived

My Icarian dream.

You wanted me to stop , you wanted me to slow down

you wanted me to be safe but you wanted me to bow down.

Yes the sun's rays were harsh, they melted my wings

yes they seared my skin and sent me plunging.

It took my life, but it couldn't take my soul

for I lived my Icarian dream.

I know you think I was a fool

I know I angered the gods

I know i challenged the order of things

I know I was bound to fail

but I'm happy I didn't crawl

I'm happy I stood up and

lived my Icarian dream.

Tell the sun to be ready for me

Tell the gods to sharpen their spears

for I will come back to prevail

to soar and to sail

and yet again to

LIVE MY ICARIAN DREAM.

sometimes,...

Some times you just want to end up being the loser

Some times you just want to be hurting

Some times you want to feel like a fool

Some times you want your dreams to crash and burn

Some times you want to be wrong

Some times you want reason to fly out of the window

Some times you want to be misty eyed

Some times you want to tear out your heart and wail in pain

Some times you want your heart to race , your vision to blur

Sometimes you want to be consumed

Some times you want bleed through your eyes

Some times you want to be laughed at and ridiculed

All other times you're pretending...

The acrid smell of love!

There's something floating in the air around me

There is something that renders me sick

It makes me revulse , it makes me feel fear

It's the acrid smell of love.

Its a smoky haze of visions of what can be,

Its the scent of another being in my thoughts

Its the dreams that paralyze me, coupled with the

acrid smell of love.

My thoughts, like beasts are trampling reality

My desires like a hound, chasing my sanity

My illusions of chastity shattered like glass

I can hear the whiff around me,of the

acrid smell of love.

I've seen lesser mortals falter

I've looked at them and felt disgust

I've marveled at my strength, I been proud of my invulnerability

now..I'm weak,confused and consumed by the

acrid smell of love!